I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!