Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
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usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.