Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize