Please, let me fuck your mom
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.