Jerry, you need to find god
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*