i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
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Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.