Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.