I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
