Im at strip club and am horny
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
