I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
