The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
