twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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