You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did i walk over a car last night?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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