All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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