YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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