You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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