I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
