Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize