Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
