she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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