??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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