I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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