well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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