We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
