When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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