and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
