please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
