Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
