i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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