I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
