He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
