Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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