He is an equal opportunity slut.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
