Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
