Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
