After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize