It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
