so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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