those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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