If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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