She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
