just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
