I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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