I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
