You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
