Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
