What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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