Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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