So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
