i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
