The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did I show you my penis last night?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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