I got chris browned last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
