You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
