have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
