i think my tv is drunk
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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