Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
