I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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