oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
