he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
