So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I could make wine with my vomit
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
