i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
