Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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