I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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