....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
