grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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