Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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