my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
