I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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