does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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