I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
