Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i think im in europe. pls send help
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
