An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
