At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
