I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
