So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
