Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
