please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
