Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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