i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
