JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
