thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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