I murdered the dance floor call the cops
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
