How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
