please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
