NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
