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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.

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• (585): View more from New York

  He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir

  (716): View more from New York

  That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Rodger that.

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• (510): View more from California

  this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex

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• (925): View more from California

  I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.

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